I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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