Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
