I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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