I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
