Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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