My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
