My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
