At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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