TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
