nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
