i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
