dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
