you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
