opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
