Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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