I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
