What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
