I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
