You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
