so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
