i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
