I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
