please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
