cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
