i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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