When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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