It's like God shit irony all over that family
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
