I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This baby is an asshole
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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