I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
