There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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