Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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