i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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