You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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