I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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