Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just want to make out with him forever
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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