i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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