if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
