New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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