So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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