remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
