Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
