There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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