the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
