I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
