chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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