Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
