I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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