I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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