Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
