Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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