I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
