New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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