I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
